i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
