Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
