I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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