there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
