It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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