Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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