So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
