Sry I called you an 8
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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