I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
