WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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