Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
