i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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