and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
