just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
