awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
