I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
