she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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