I CAN MOONWALK!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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