worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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