giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
