a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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