my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
