Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
