And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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