you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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