You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
