Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
In America we eat man semen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
