there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
