I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
