I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
