Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
