There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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