If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
