and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
