even my farts smell like vagina
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How's work?
Spinning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
