I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
