the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
