Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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