ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
