Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
