Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
