NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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