This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
