dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
