I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
