I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
