You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just cut my nipple shaving
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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