she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
