I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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