You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
