I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
