Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
