Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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