you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
