his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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