He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
